i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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