so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
