OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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