3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so much tequila, so little girl.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
