It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
