dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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