She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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