i will never coherently bang her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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