where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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