i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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