so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
