So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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