As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
