She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
