So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
