Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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