now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
