Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.