Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.