your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
