On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.