You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?