I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.