I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life