she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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