guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she told me i tasted like america
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
