Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
