Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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