your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
