if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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