Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
