I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
