In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
