I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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