her facebook's as public as her vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
