My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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