I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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