we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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