Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
