i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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