I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
