I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
