What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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