Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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