u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
