Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
