Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
