I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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