he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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