Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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