11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
