My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
