I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
