i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
