dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
