You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
