on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
