Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
