The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize