I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
