Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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