$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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