We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
