I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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