clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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