I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
