Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
